


Letters to No One

by Jammit_Sammy



Category: Turn (TV 2014)
Genre: I AM SORRY, M/M, Sad, Suicidal Ideation, Triggers, this is so sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-02
Updated: 2017-08-02
Packaged: 2018-12-10 08:27:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11687862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jammit_Sammy/pseuds/Jammit_Sammy
Summary: This was a prompt fromnimravindaeon Tumblr.Prompt: Can i please get one hot, fresh, ben angsting over some shame over a crush he has? on anyone??? please????????





	Letters to No One

**Author's Note:**

> I’m going to assume when you said angst, you did not mean this. Also probably not who you thought he’d be pining after. Sorry. 
> 
> I also feel like it’s vv out of character?? So I apologize, because I’m bad at writing Ben in character.

_Dear Mr. Culpeper,_

_I’m afraid I find myself in the most unfortunate of positions._

_You see, often I catch myself dwelling on thoughts of the curve of your buttocks in your breeches. Or the feel of your hair as I pull it out of your queue._ _I imagine your lips, the color of rouge, pressed to mine. And pressed to more… intimate places. My dearest, I find that I am driven to distraction in your presence. Not only this, but I imagine you often against the loveliest sheets._

_To make things worse, I often imagine you with our great commander. All the things I wish I were able to tell you and our good sir, but alas cannot._ _I resign myself to the composition of these letters that will never see the light of day, or know the touch of your farmer’s hands._

_I will continue to compose correspondence that will be burned upon completion. And as I write in the dark, by candlelight and behind locked doors, I will feel nothing but great loathing. Great loathing for myself. For wanting this which I know I cannot have. For wishing to condemn you to a hellish experience and great sin._

_For all of my self-flagellation, I still cannot help but to think of your fair skin and lovely eyes. They absorb everything, my dearest. You have a brilliant mind and a kind heart. I pray that this bloody business of war does not destroy that._

_I see you with your family, and even the lovely barkeep, and my heart fills with a passionate fire. A fire that I stoke, even though I lay no rightful claim on your heart. That does not stop me from wishing that I may, in fact, lay a claim on your purest heart._

_I have but so much love to give, and you get all of it. Good night, my dearest Mr. Culpeper._

_Yours in all and everything,_

_Benjamin Tallmadge_

Ben stood from his chair, back popping when released from the stooped posture required of writing a letter. He grabbed the offending missive and balled it, tossing into the low fire that was still burning in his hearth. It was a ritual. Every night he was able, he wrote to Abraham, and every night he did, he burned it. Then he’d find his whiskey and drink a good amount. Not enough to leave him feeling cottony and sick tomorrow, but enough to help him sleep.

So, after the letter was burned, he took up his whiskey and crawled into bed. Holding the flask to his face he wondered, not for the first time, if he should drink it all and take up his pistol. But, like every other time before, he acknowledged that this fledgling country, trying to grow, needed him alive. He regretted that fact, maybe even felt resentment for it, but he saw the reason. So, he drank his measure and went to sleep, head full of unholy thoughts and heart heavy.

**Author's Note:**

> Come talk to me or request things on my [Tumblr](https://baguetteandaham.tumblr.com)
> 
> Yell at me in the comments, it makes me happy.


End file.
